I want to walk on stilts...naked
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
