hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize
