just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
