I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
