I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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