I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i came on her dog
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
