Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
