a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
