He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
