there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
