Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
