Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
