I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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