I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
