GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
