i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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