You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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