dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
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I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
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He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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