i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize