He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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