I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
