Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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