i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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