You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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