If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
