idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
