He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
