Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
