I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
