dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
