whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
