I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
