The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
