Yo dont text me then not text me
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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