she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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