Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
