they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
