i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
