I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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