at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
