I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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