Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
