I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
