I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
