i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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