i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
