I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize