First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
