if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
