I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
