Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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