sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
