woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
