My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
