She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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