Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The beer is more important than you right now.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
