My liver just broke up with me...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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