I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
