Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
