I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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