Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
